From a contractor:

"Whoever worked on this before sure knew what he was doing."
"I think I came in a little high on that estimate."

From my dentist:

"I think you're flossing too much."
"I won't ask you ...Read More

If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is ...Read More

Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he ...Read More

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he planned to be around for his 104th.

"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

Stephen Colbert brings you the latest science stories from the world of science in his science-focused segment.

Jon talks about having good karma, getting a shoutout from Richard Gadd of “Baby Reindeer” at the Emmys, an old clip of him in a high school production of Godspell, driving around in his broken down first car, new ...Read More