ArcaMax

With Thanksgiving falling on the heels of this ultracombative election year, family dinners have the potential to be fraught, if not fully explosive mashed potato massacres. Don't worry (or do, I don't know your life). Here are some topics to talk about around the holiday dinner table in mixed company this year:

"Who wants to see 25 photos of my dog posed in slightly different positions and occasionally blepping out his tongue?"

"Spaghetti squash: No one really likes it, right? If we're being honest? I mean, we eat it to cut down on carbs, but has anyone ever actually craved a spaghetti squash?"

"What is everyone's favorite shade of white? I am Team Ecru, but I think there's a strong case to be made for bone."

"And that's how I got started on my Vitamin D and fish oil journey."

"Who's ready for more dog photos????!?"

"Has anyone seen the latest 'Antiques Roadshow'? The one with the pig pull toy from 1900 that looks like it could star in a live-action slasher adaptation of 'Toy Story?' I haven't slept in days. Pass the gravy."

"This would be a perfect time for cousin Amy to tell us about her fourth grade trip to Enterprise Village where she worked as a bookkeeper at a miniature Pinellas County Solid Waste department."

"Velcro is so underrated."

"And here's my dog inside my duffel bag. He fits. It's so funny. Haha. Please look. No, I am begging you."

"At this time, I would be honored to take any questions about ballpoint pens."

"Hey, how about that Engelbert Humperdinck?"

"Have you ever seen a dog in a taco costume? Well, it just so happens..."

"If you could be any style of hat, what style of hat would you be? Yes, hat. Like top hat, beret, fedora, pork pie... Look, I know this is boring, but the alternative is that we dive into highly divisive topics as this whole party devolves into that episode of 'The Bear' in which Jamie Lee Curtis sobs, chain smokes, screams and drives a car through the house, which... yeah, OK, actually we can do that one."

"Dog."

"Let's all have a moment of silence. Good. No, keep going."

========

Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephhayes on X or @stephrhayes on Instagram.

----

Copyright 2024 Creators Syndicate Inc.