ArcaMax

Sexual/sensual expression is important to mental and physical well-being. Let's agree on that. And being unmarried, you also know how important it is for your satisfaction to feel a partner's caring. The truth is sexual union has the potential to be spiritual communion when it joins soul mates. But it takes a bit of doing for the unmarried to make sense of the sexual overchoice offered in single life, where sexually charged situations can occur with some regularity -- often without preamble. Know that this Sexual Bill of Rights aims to help you gain insight into your sexual self, your personal morals and ethics, and help build the confidence borne of knowing what you do and don't want without inner confusion or pained explanation.

As your eye meanders down the page, give a thought to some nonsexual outlets for the tender feelings you associate with lovemaking. They do exist, but you probably haven't paid attention and have saved them for intimacy. Well, they could use a bit of a walk-through because they're a bit rusty from disuse. I suggest inviting your niece (and her best friend?) to the hot new film and lunch at their favorite restaurant! Spend an entire morning at the local American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, caressing and communing with the love-hungry residents. (Ask whether you can bring treats.) Read fairy tales to the children in the local hospital. What the world needs isn't another porn film; it needs an outpouring of caring from any and all. Get my drift? Revisiting that corner of your soul will reacquaint you with those wonderful feelings of humanity, your connectedness to everything. Yes, you'll feel erotic tinges again. They don't ever go away. But when the only available sex is junk status, you'll have better things to do. And now, for your eyes only:

-- I will adopt a consistent live-and-let-live view of others' sexual choices. I will be slow to judge or condemn.

-- I will shape a code of conduct gleaned from my personal needs and sense of rightness.

-- I will not be coerced when making sexual decisions and will avoid those who try to assert unduly influence.

-- I reserve the right to remain virgin or chaste, aware that neither state is harmful, and that periods of celibacy can be highly productive and fulfilling.

-- I refuse to be enslaved by stale and corrosive stereotypes that view the male as only (and always) aggressor and female as only (and always) passive receiver.

-- If acceptable to my personal morality, I will engage in self-pleasuring, knowing masturbation is a natural and legitimate source of satisfaction. It can help me learn my sexual tastes, prepare me for coupled sex and deter me from junk sex.

-- I pledge to myself (and to those who care about me) to make prudent sexual choices, to forgo sexual activity that might come with risk of any kind. I am aware that choosing a partner means accepting their sexual history; I will make the final decision with complete knowledge.

-- I will exercise self-control and discretion in every sexual situation, for no matter how highly I regard sexuality, I am not willing to risk my health for it.

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Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks - in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.