The Kid Whisperer: How to stop kids from eloping from your classroom

Scott Ervin, Tribune News Service on Feb 4, 2025

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Dear Kid Whisperer,

How do I keep a kindergartner from running out of the classroom?

Answer: You don’t.

Let me explain.

First, there are many ways to prevent the kid from running out of your room before she tries to run out of the room, and those means of prevention are taught pretty well in college: have an inviting room, have engaging lesson plans, be nice to kids. All of these things make it less likely that kids will elope out of the room. I know you already know this, so this isn’t very helpful.

The reason why you should not attempt to stop a kid from leaving the room is that 100% of your options will make it more likely that they will try to leave the classroom the next time.

What do kids want?

1. Attention

2. Control

3. Avoidance (of a person or thing)

If you tell her not to leave, you’re giving her #1 and a bit of #2. If you tell her not to leave with anger or other emotions, you’re giving her #1 and a lot of #2. Once she leaves, you’ve given her #3.

Since you are not allowed to physically stop her from leaving, you have no choice but to give her #3 (avoidance of the people and things in the classroom), however, that’s at least less reinforcing than giving her the Behavioral Trifecta.

Here’s how I deal with the situation. Spoilers: The good news is that if you do this, it will create the absolute minimum amount of classroom disruption and reinforcement of elopement. The bad news is that your response team must be trained in Behavioral Leadership Non-Reactive Monitoring for this to work optimally.

Kid #1: I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore! Goodbye and goodnight, everyone! (Kid bolts out of the room)

Kid Whisperer: Oh, boy.

(Kid Whisperer uses a text or app chain to alert his Non-Reactive Monitoring (NRM) Team that Kid has left the room by texting “ Kid #1’s name and ‘E’” (for ‘elopement’). Someone from that team walks toward my room looking for Kid #1. Once Kid #1 has been found, the NRM team member completely ignores Kid #1 while asking himself three questions: 1) Where is the nearest exterior door? 2) How fast is Kid #1? 3) How fast am I? He then positions himself in such a way that, if possible, Kid #1 can’t see him, or he checks his phone while completely ignoring Kid. Either way, the NRM team member must be in position to be able to restrain Kid #1 if she tries to leave the building. Of course, the NRM team members must be trained to restrain kids by an accredited agency and must follow their restraint guidelines.

After getting no attention and no control in the hallway, Kid #1 returns to the classroom, where she tries to get some attention and control.

Kid #1: EVERYONE IN THIS SCHOOL HATES ME AND IS IGNORING ME AND I’M GOING TO JUST LEAVE AND GO HOME WHERE I AM PROPERLY RESPECTED!!

Kid Whisperer: Oh, boy. I noticed Kid #5 is seated and working hard! I noticed Kid #23 is following directions and is coloring his letter “B”…

Kid #1 can either stay, in which case Kid Whisperer will notice her as well (giving her, you guessed it: attention and control—but this time for positive behaviors). Or, Kid #1 can leave again, in which case, we repeat the NRM procedure.

Later, when Kid #1 is calm, maybe even the next day, that student will take part in a Learning Opportunity whereby she simply practices staying in the room during non-instructional time. She can read or draw or stare off into space, just so long as she successfully remains in the room. Once she’s done with the practice time (perhaps 5-10 minutes -- I recommend a Visual Timer for kindergartners), she can declare herself an expert at staying in the room and go about her day. A high-five is a good idea here. In this case, she has learned the easy way. If she shows that she still has a deficit in this area and leaves again, simply repeat the NRM procedure. Later, she will still have that same Learning Opportunity waiting for her, perhaps with a slightly increased amount of practice time involved. Whether she chooses the easy way or the hard way doesn’t matter: She will learn to stay in her classroom.