ArcaMax

When I told my neighbor that my son had sisters 15 and 19 years older than him, her eyes flew open. She wasn't shocked; she was so relieved to hear this and had questions. Her son is about to turn 2 and she's been feeling the pressure to have another baby now instead of waiting. Women hear so much advice when it comes to children, and one of those bits of advice is about the optimal age gap for siblings.

Who comes up with these standards?

Life happens and every situation is different. Every decision is valid. Women need grace and space to do what's best for them and their family, not pressure and judgment.

For me, the life that happened included a divorce followed by diagnosis of autoimmune arthritis. With illness came toxic medication that did not make room for dreaming of another baby. I had put thoughts of another child out of my mind.

Then a new medication came on the scene and once again I had options. I was also in my late 30s.

Then, my youngest daughter started her period for the first time. She had ceremoniously entered womanhood and all I could see was that I didn't have any babies left.

"I'm not ready for this part of my life to be over," I cried to my husband.

We had discussed one more child, but never followed through. Our youngest hitting puberty seemed to shake the sand in the glass. Time was running out.

We decided to let our oldest finish high school and our youngest get through middle school without the added stress of a pregnant mom in the house. Then we started trying.

"Don't get discouraged if it takes a while," my OB-GYN told us. I was 39 years old after all.

If we got lucky, I'd officially be an "older mom." But as an older couple, we were also more financially secure -- and after creating a family from two single-parent homes, we knew this challenge was one we could handle with love and grace.

"Oh my gosh!" I exclaimed from inside the bathroom. It had not taken a while -- we were pregnant after the first month of trying. It was really real. We were going to have a baby.

In the fall I turned 40, with my husband by my side and his older sisters in the waiting room, our son was born. And it all felt perfect.

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