ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sharing stories, anecdotes or facts in conversation, I usually cite my source. For example, I might say, "I recently read an op-ed in (newspaper) by (author) where they said ..."

But in my attempt to give credit where credit is due, I feel that I'm coming off as elitist and/or condescending. What is your opinion on when ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I volunteer for an organization that provides services for homeless people. We provide items such as clothes, winter coats, shoes, infant formula, diapers and personal hygiene kits -- and also help with transportation (such as bus passes) and assistance with getting an apartment. Once someone is housed, we provide "startup ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a communication issue with my nieces and nephews, who are about to be college-age. They are my brother-in-law's kids. Their grandmother (my partner's mother) feeds them an inventory of our possessions, encouraging them to ask us for these items.

She has suggested that the nieces and nephews beg for my jewelry and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy socializing with a group of women in my community. There is a group text for 14 of us who often get together for social events.

Recently, a few of the ladies discussed how much fun they had had boating, and it was obvious half the group hadn't been invited. This isn't the first time this has happened.

I think they ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended two touring Broadway shows, and many families were at each performance. For one show, some people wore costumes: Across from me, a child had on a rather large hat the whole time. At the other show, a nearby child sang along, loudly, to every song they knew.

Is it wrong to expect the accompanying adults to teach ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of my boyfriend posted a years-old photo of a bunch of their friends, and she tagged one person as a way of saying "happy birthday" to them.

The photo included my boyfriend and his then-girlfriend. Their breakup was very hard on him, which everyone knows. Everyone also knows he is doing well now, and has been in a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been with my fiance for 16 years. I have a good relationship with his mother, though I wouldn't call us best friends.

We talk and get along well when we go to her house, but she and I don't spend time together on our own -- only when my partner and I go visit her. Her husband died six months ago, so we have been trying ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a group email from a younger family member that included all of the relatives of my generation, and some younger. The subject was a beloved aunt who passed away years ago.

Apparently, this young man had been doing some ancestry research, and sent the family some of his results regarding my aunt. It was filled with ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I talk about my preferences for the art I consume without demeaning others' tastes or seeming like a snob?

For example, many of my friends enjoy superhero movies and cartoons. I do not; I don't find these movies interesting or original. I recognize, though, that the love my friends have for these big-name franchises is...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you say to someone who says they were going to give you something, "but ..."?

Two things that have actually happened to me:

1. I came home and my mom said, "By the way, are you hungry? I did cook you some dinner, but I ate it."

2. I met a friend for lunch and she said, "Did you know I hosted a tea party? I thought ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate thing to do or say when one's restaurant order is wrong?

When I had lunch with a group of eight people, the waiter did not write down any of our orders. That was not a good start. He brought me a spicy salad drenched in dressing, when I had asked for the non-spicy salad, dressing on the side. Judging ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I made a serious error when speaking to someone with cancer by referring to people not diagnosed with the disease as "normal" -- as in, "Can normal people get periodically scanned?"

I quickly corrected myself, but I still agonize over it, two weeks later. I don't know what I was thinking and I'm so embarrassed.

This is a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I participate in a regular online exercise class, in which all the clients are veterans -- and mostly men. I am usually the only woman in the group. Participants generally sign on several minutes early to chitchat, and the host (a woman) greets everyone as she sees them.

My irritation is that she greets all the men as "Mr.," ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is engaged to a lovely young woman, whom my son's mother and I like a lot. The bride-to-be's father, a very nice man, announced that he would be paying for the wedding "as is tradition" in order to help the couple, as they are still just starting their careers.

I told him that it was generous of him to offer, but that ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two years ago, I introduced my close, longtime friend, Nora, to Lauren, an acquaintance whose husband is my husband's boss. To my delight, they hit it off -- so much so that a few months ago, they decided to go on a three-week trip together.

The vacation was a disaster. The women fought constantly. As my close friend, Nora ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I saw a theatrical production that was written by, and starred, a friend of a friend. This person used to live in our city. Our mutual friend suggested we convey their greetings after the show.

My wife was very reluctant to do so, but I was not. The star was incredibly happy to see us and to receive our friend's ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been trying to conceive a child for some time. Our first pregnancy ended at seven weeks in a miscarriage, which started during a visit to my mother-in-law's home. She had not known we were trying, and then the cat was out of the bag.

She was very kind and sympathetic immediately after we returned from ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are some polite, humble alternatives to "I may be wrong, but ..."?

I find myself increasingly defaulting to this phrase when, as far as I can tell, I'm not wrong. Usually the context is that something looked off to me, so I went and double-checked and found that, yes, it was off, and the issue then needed a follow-up.

...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I tell my friend to go away and leave me alone? I need my alone time to recharge, but she will keep talking and bothering me, especially during lunch at the studio where I work.

She loves to eat spicy chips and they smell gross, and I don't think she has ever chewed with her mouth closed. Other than that, she is a good...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and four of our seven children have allergies to various foods, including pork, mushrooms and onions. Most of our friends and family know this, and will go out of their way to avoid these things. If they are having pork, they will make something extra for the two kids who can't eat it, for example. We also try to ...Read more