The God Squad: I once was lost…
Q: If someone does not obey God’s commandments, like Adam and Eve didn’t, God cast them out. If I, or anyone, does things that God doesn’t like, will he cast me out, too?
I have had struggles in my life for a while now, financial and health, and I pray to God for help, but I think God won’t or doesn’t want to help me because of the bad decisions I made in my life. I feel like I don’t even deserve to pray to God for help or advice. He might not even listen.
I felt so close to God when I was younger, now it feels like I’m on my own, like he doesn’t even look my way, at my age (53) I feel I don’t have much time, I won’t be let into heaven and be with God and my family in the afterlife.
I disappointed God, my mom and my grandma who I was so close to. Who would listen or help me? God? Jesus? Which one do I pray to? I want to be connected with God and Jesus, I feel lost in that way. Like they don’t want any part of me. What can I do? Sorry for rambling on. Thank you. – (From J)
A: You are living out the famous old story. A man has a recurring dream that he is walking on a beach next to Jesus. He feels warm and connected. He does not see Jesus but he sees two sets of footprints in the sand so he knows he is being accompanied. Then he enters a period of loss and despair just like you and he dreams that he is walking on the same beach but there is only one set of footprints in the sand. He cries out in his anger and pain, “Lord, why have you abandoned me in my time of need?” Then he receives an answer in his dream, “There is only one set of footprints because on your worst days I was carrying you.”
Dear J, God is carrying you now. In so many areas of our lives we need to qualify for the benefits we seek. We need to have the right credentials or training. We need to prove ourselves worthy of trust or love. We have to prove that we are not broken. Most of life is like that, however, one part of life is not like that at all. God is the healer of broken hearts. God loves us not despite the fact that we are broken but because we are broken. That is the greatness of faith in God. Our weakness is our strength. The famous chaplain at Yale, William Sloan Coffin, was asked once by an aggressive atheist, “Isn’t it true that religion is just a crutch?” He answered, “Of course it is a crutch but what makes you think that you are not limping?”
The part of your crises of faith that makes me feel certain that you will soon come out of the darkness into the light is that you are still praying to God for help. This shows that you are courageous and deeply hopeful. You should know that even the greatest spiritual leaders have gone through the dark night of the soul. Jesus in the desert. Moses in Egypt. The Buddha under the Bodhi tree. The path up the mountain to God is not smooth without obstacles. The great King David fled from King Saul who was trying to kill him and in his fear and flight he still held fast to his faith in God. In Psalm 130:1-4 (KJV) we read,“Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O LORD. Lord, hear my voice: Let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications. If thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, That thou mayest be feared.” What David knew, you can still learn. If God judged us fairly by our faults, no one would be worthy of God’s grace, but it is the nature of grace (in Hebrew hesed) to give us a gift of forgiveness that we did not merit. God comes to us to save us not because of our virtues but despite our faults.
My advice to you, dear J, is to forget about how God is treating you and think more about how you are treating others. Treat them with the mercy and compassion you ask for yourself. Try to make better decisions tomorrow and think less about the bad decisions of yesterday. God will carry you until that day when you can carry others.
God bless you!
(Send ALL QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS to The God Squad via email at godsquadquestion@aol.com. Rabbi Gellman is the author of several books, including “Religion for Dummies,” co-written with Fr. Tom Hartman. Also, the new God Squad podcast is now available.)
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