Life Advice
/Health
/ArcaMax
Two Decades Have Not Healed Painful Breach In Relationship
DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, I developed psychosis with a personality change. I did things I'm ashamed of. I had an affair, remarried and moved out of the country, leaving my 13-year-old daughter with my ex-husband. I snapped out of it 15 years ago with the help of a good psychiatrist and excellent medication. I deeply regret my behavior, and I ...Read more
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Asking Eric: Older couple only invited when gift is expected
Dear Eric: My spouse and I are an older couple with some family members who live in the same town as us and some family who live out of state.
The families who live near us only invite us to functions where a gift is needed, such as weddings and birthdays, etc.
We feel very sad about this since we spend many holidays alone. May I add that my ...Read more
Job-Seeker Debates Opportunity Based On Location
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently managed to land a job after months of searching in this tough job market, and while I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity, I'm struggling with the decision to take it. The job is exactly what I've been looking for in terms of compensation, responsibilities and career growth. It's the perfect fit on paper, and it ...Read more
Backstage Chitchat Can Be Tricky
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I saw a theatrical production that was written by, and starred, a friend of a friend. This person used to live in our city. Our mutual friend suggested we convey their greetings after the show.
My wife was very reluctant to do so, but I was not. The star was incredibly happy to see us and to receive our friend's ...Read more
Supporting the Strong One
Dear Annie: I've always been the person who people turn to for support -- friends, family, even co-workers come to me when they need advice or a shoulder to lean on. And while I genuinely love helping others, I'm starting to realize I don't have anyone I can turn to when I need the same kind of support.
I'm not sure if it's because I've built...Read more
Woman's Surprise Revelation Is Bewildering To Relative
DEAR ABBY: I received a Facebook message from my first cousin. In it, she apologized for not communicating for the past 10 months. It ended with, "Send me your address so I can send you a birth announcement." Abby, I wasn't even aware that she had been pregnant.
I contacted her father, who said the child was born two months ago. This cousin is ...Read more
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Asking Eric: Family won’t stop sending widow Valentine’s Day greetings
Dear Eric: Valentine’s Day is approaching and members of my family and friends send me “Happy Valentine’s Day” texts, knowing that I am a widow. They claim that Valentine’s is for everybody, not just couples.
I feel otherwise and this just rubs salt into my wounds. These wishes feel to me very thoughtless and insensitive. How do I ...Read more
Boyfriend Visiting Family Abroad Stops Communicating
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is currently visiting his family in South Africa, and ever since he got there, he's stopped calling and texting me regularly. Normally, he's a great communicator, and we talk and text throughout the day, so this sudden change has caught me off guard. I understand that we're in different time zones right now, and I ...Read more
What Not To Say When Someone Loses A Pregnancy
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been trying to conceive a child for some time. Our first pregnancy ended at seven weeks in a miscarriage, which started during a visit to my mother-in-law's home. She had not known we were trying, and then the cat was out of the bag.
She was very kind and sympathetic immediately after we returned from ...Read more
When Is It Too Late to Heal a Marriage?
Dear Annie: My husband has always seemed "old for his age." For years, I managed the household while he worked full-time, but when he retired, I expected him to pitch in more with chores. That expectation has become our biggest source of conflict. He struggles to keep up with my energy, and I feel like he holds me back. I've grown bitter. I ...Read more
Time At Shared Vacation Home Is The Opposite Of Relaxing
DEAR ABBY: We share a vacation home with another family. My husband and I are neat people. The other family is the opposite. They leave dirty dishes in the sink for days, promising, "I'll get to them." Dirty diapers are left on the living room floor as well as toys, clothes and stale food. It's disgusting.
My husband and I clean up after them, ...Read more
Millennial Life: Just Work Trip Stuff
I'm sitting in a hotel in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I feel the rumbling of a low-grade cold that soaked through my house this week, sparing me until now through intense efforts of arching away from uncovered coughs, cheek kissing the husband, and washing my hands like I'm going into surgery after I deposit a pile of snotty tissues in the trash.
I'm...Read more
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Asking Eric: Caregiver abandoned by siblings
Dear Eric: I am a retired 70-year-old. My mother is 93 and lives alone about 20 miles from me. She has lived in her home for more than 50 years, is relatively healthy and can still take care of herself.
We have discussed assisted-living facilities, but she strongly wishes to remain in her home.
I am her primary caregiver. She does not drive. ...Read more
Love and Loyalty: When Your Partner Won't Take Your Side
Dear Annie: I've been in an eight-year relationship that now seems to be ending, largely due to issues with my partner's daughters. They've become disrespectful and jealous, and one has crossed serious boundaries by stealing from me and sabotaging our relationship.
Over the past year, I've been struggling with a mental health condition, which...Read more
Staying Strong After Breakup Is An Intimidating Process
DEAR ABBY: I was dating a man for the past two years. Most of the time, we enjoyed being together. However, sometimes our discussions would turn into heated and hurtful arguments. He would disregard my point of view, ultimately shut me down and make me feel like the disagreement was my fault.
After our most recent argument, I finally decided to...Read more
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Asking Eric: Older brother fears siblings is headed for relationship trouble
Dear Eric: My brother is 22 years old and has always had a girlfriend, though none of the relationships have ever lasted. His previous girlfriends have been controlling and possessive, to the point that he breaks up with them.
His current girlfriend seems to be the same way, but he is head over heels for her. Not only is she possessive and ...Read more
Entertainment Employee Worried About Long-Term Future
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently working in an industry that I love, but it is unstable. I've been working on the creative side of TV and film for the past eight years. I am currently employed and thankfully have never experienced being laid off. I've done a lot of freelance work, so I know what it feels like for a project to end, but honestly, I ...Read more
Ways To Tiptoe Around Saying 'you're Wrong'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are some polite, humble alternatives to "I may be wrong, but ..."?
I find myself increasingly defaulting to this phrase when, as far as I can tell, I'm not wrong. Usually the context is that something looked off to me, so I went and double-checked and found that, yes, it was off, and the issue then needed a follow-up.
...Read more
Friend Misuses Fundraiser To Bankroll Expensive Tastes
DEAR ABBY: A close friend -- whom I've been urging for years to save for a rainy day -- is now facing a very real storm. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing treatment. Knowing her financial situation -- living paycheck to paycheck despite her and her husband's high-paying jobs -- I felt compelled to help by setting up a ...Read more
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Asking Eric: Volatile daughter blames parents for everything
Dear Eric: My husband and I have two daughters, both in their 40s. The younger one has a career, is married and pays her own bills. The other has never been functional and ebbs and flows in and out of stability.
She has a volatile and intense personality. She has a husband who is disabled, and they live on the husband’s disability income.
No...Read more